How prescription opioids became my poison

 

The President of the United States declared a national public health emergency in August 2017 to address the opioid (also known as narcotics) crisis in our country. People are dying at an alarming rate from prescription opioid use, abuse, and illegal use.

The crisis is affecting everyday people like myself in chronic pain who followed their doctors’ orders, took opioids exactly as prescribed, but ended up drowning in the aftermath of these powerful substances.  I was one of the lucky ones and have now chosen a completely different path. Here’s my story.

I began having severe stomach issues at the young age of 12. Soon after, hormonal issues started too. The symptoms and their severity climbed through my teenage years and heightened alarmingly by age 20 while I was attending college. An emergency room visit for suspected appendicitis turned into exploratory surgery where Endometriosis (“Endo”) was found. Multiple surgeries for Endo happened over the next few years. My Endo was aggressive and kept coming back. It compromised several organs and systems in my pelvic cavity. I had some relief in between surgeries.

However, there came a point in my life when my pain became constant and severe all over my body. Now I can’t remember life without it. I’ve now had twelve surgeries since age 20. The widespread pain includes muscle, nerve, joint, abdominal, stomach, back, knee and more. To quantify it, on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest), I currently live with daily pain at an 8 out of 10.  I usually pull away from my husband when he tries to hold my hand; most of the time, it hurts too much to be touched. Yes, I’ve made some progress, but the pain is still severe.

In the past when I took prescription opioids, I believe I temporarily felt what most healthy people feel every day. My body temporarily didn’t feel pain. I felt calmer without the pain. Opioids block pain signals and can trigger the release of happy chemicals in the body.  So, if you are in pain, why not take these all the time? The epic feeling of little to no pain that I’d experience only lasted about an hour before the side effects started rearing their ugly head. I could experience side effects from a single dose of an opioid for 4 days or more after taking it.

I was placed on prescription opioids by my doctors continuously when the pain became too unbearable to handle daily. Instead of feeling like I was in my early 20’s, my body made me feel as if I was dying. Along with the prescribed opioids, multiple doctors I was seeing kept prescribing different types of medications because my symptoms were so vast and misunderstood. At one time I was taking several anti-histamines, an anti-anxiety medication, an anti-depressant, a muscle relaxer, a steroid nasal spray, birth control for Endometriosis and constant cysts, Fentanyl (an opioid) transdermal patches with Lortab or Percocet (both also opioids) for breakthrough pain, Nexium (a Proton Pump Inhibitor), and Provigil.

I fell into a medically guided prescription drug spiral, and I couldn’t get out. Doctors would say things like “we don’t know what else to do for you” or “take this drug to offset the symptoms you’re experiencing from that drug.” I don’t know how that combination wasn’t lethal.  What I didn’t know at the time was that all the medications, especially the opioids, were making me feel worse than my original conditions ever did. I was trusting my doctors guidance. I didn’t see any other path then.

I want to explain the seriousness of the Fentanyl patches. They are a long acting (extended-release) medication prescribed for people who have constant, serious enough pain to warrant a very strong and sometimes dangerous dose of opioids. The delivery system of the medication is transdermal through a patch placed on the skin. Patients prescribed these medications haven’t been able to manage their pain with pills alone. Fentanyl is over 50 times more powerful than morphine. This is commonly used for cancer patients with extreme pain. I was prescribed that. I definitely didn’t understand the dangers and strength of the medication back then. All I knew was my pain was unbearable, and I didn’t know how to live with it.

Let’s talk side effects. Narcotics caused severe constipation, severe depression, fatigue, weight gain, major liver function issues, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, depressed breathing, very low blood pressure, drowsiness, and the list could go on and on.

At age 27, my doctor prescribing the narcotics determined my liver enzymes were at extremely dangerous levels (that of almost failure). I was extremely swollen and had gained more than 20 pounds of fluid. I couldn’t continue on these medications. I became terrified to try to live with or without pain medications. I would later learn that deciding to stop taking opioids was the easy part. The act of actually doing it (the real work) hadn’t even begun.

One of my doctors recommended that I go to a rehabilitation facility to come off of the prescribed opioids under medical supervision. “What? Are you kidding me?” I said. I was furious and confused. My parents wouldn’t be allowed to visit me at all during the treatment. They were floored by that as was I. I wasn’t a drug addict. I kept thinking what is happening. All I did was follow my doctor’s orders and take my medicine exactly as prescribed. I’m sick and in pain. How did I get here?

I declined the option for the rehabilitation facility and chose to do it at home with continuous outpatient medical supervision through my doctor’s office. My parents moved in with me for two weeks. I couldn’t be left alone. My parents and doctors monitored my medications and blood pressure around the clock.

For a solid two weeks, I wanted to die (no exaggeration) and more than once, I thought I might. The pain I had increased exponentially after coming off the opioids. Just some of the added symptoms were nausea, tiredness, anxiety, shakiness, blinding headaches, chills, extreme depression, fear, insomnia and more. My skin felt like it was on fire. My muscles ached and hurt like never before. For two solid weeks, it didn’t let up. I remember my dad calling the prescription opioids poison. Boy was he ever right.

I vividly remember my mom sitting right beside the bath tub as I soaked for many hours during this time. She’d help me get in and out of the bath tub as if I was elderly.  It was hard to move, talk, think, or even exist. A warm bath was sometimes the only thing that would slightly calm my body down temporarily. My parents drove me around in the middle of the night to try and distract me. There was no escape. This was the most trying and terrifying time of my life and theirs.

After about two weeks, I started to notice some positive changes, but the battle was far from over. It continued to take weeks and months, but the clouds finally began to lift. Since I’ve always been a little bit of an overachiever, within weeks of this experience, I decided to come off of my prescribed anti-depressant and prescribed anti-anxiety drugs too. There were significant side effects from coming off of those too. Within two months I was outside walking in the adorable neighborhood near my rental house. Breathing the fresh air, feeling the sunshine, and smiling again.  I was nowhere near pain free but much better after removing so many harmful prescription medications.

The take home message is opioids can be heavily addictive, dangerous, life altering, and scary, even when they are prescribed and monitored by a doctor. Many people choose to take opioids illegally or without prescriptions, and they become addicted. However, many people like me are in chronic pain. They are legally prescribed these medications because the pain they are in is ruining their life, and they have nowhere else to turn. They may not be addicted, but their body learns to rely on this to function. Great suffering may occur if opioids are stopped after long term use.

Fast forward to present day, over ten years later, my pain is still not under control. My pain is strong enough to warrant taking a prescription opioid every day for the rest of my life. Currently, I haven’t slept through the night in over a year and a half now because of pain. The thought can still be there to take a prescribed opioid medication for relief occasionally. Nevertheless, I know narcotics don’t heal your body; they just wreak havoc. They only attempt to mask your pain. I’m convinced that the prescribed opioids I used for many years caused permanent damage to my brain, stomach, and nervous system that is irreversible.

How has my life improved without narcotics? Dramatically, to say the least. I have less depression, anxiety, constipation, inflammation, fatigue, and swelling. I have significantly better mental function, more energy, normal blood pressure, and I could go on. My brother in law once said (he’s not one to sugar coat anything) that he really didn’t like being around me when I was on all of the medications. It hurt to hear, but it also helped me realize I was never myself while taking them. Prescription medications can change your personality. How scary is that?

Over the last several years for times of extreme pain, I’ve taken Ibuprofen and a few muscle relaxers for pain on rare occasions. I’m extremely proud to report I’m only taking one prescription medication now regularly for my thyroid condition. Go me!

I walked out of that hellfire a stronger, wiser and braver person.  I became me again and wanted to live (not just barely exist). I’m a walking example that there is hope on the other side of prescription medications, especially opioid medications. Life is worth living even with severe chronic pain. Life is worth living without opioids. Life is better without opioids.  I feel it all now: the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve chosen alternative treatments for chronic pain management, and I’ll be sharing more about that in future posts.

More education and awareness of the dangers of these medications are needed for patients, doctors and insurers. My opinion is that there aren’t enough alternative treatments being exhausted before prescription opioids are administered. So, please proceed with extreme caution when opioids are involved.

NOTE: Please do not construe this message as medical advice. I’m not a doctor.  Please do not stop any medications, especially opioids without consulting with your doctor.

If you’d like to read more about medical history and story, please see this link https://destinationcleanliving.com/mystory/.